fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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