i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
