he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice