i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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