do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??