he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.