Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.