Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture