My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.