U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.