Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.