Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??