I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
