I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize