Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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