Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
