guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
