He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
