We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
