This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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