You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
