I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
