Who wears a wallet chain?!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
