Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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