Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
