I'm jealous of your bromance
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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