I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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