so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
