Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
