I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
