mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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