shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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