I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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