Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
