drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
