wakey wakey hands off snakey
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
