i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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