She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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