No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
