how do flat chested girls get laid?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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