Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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