okay pat passed out under dana's car
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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