end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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