I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
