I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
