Need sex. Gaining weight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
