wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
