Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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