I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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