I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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