It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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