Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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