I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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