I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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