I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she woke up with a sticky ear
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
