i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
