Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize