I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
