Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Say something about gay babies.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
