Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
