Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
