put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
