i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
