i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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