dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
