You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
