pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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