drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
