i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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