woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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