i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think people are normalizing furries
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
